DCUK Urgent News Bulletin !

Due to the forum being down for several hours today, mass pandemonium has broken out. Forum spokesman Sid 'the enforcer' Bonkers looked ashen when he stated "this is a very serious situation, some of the regulars have even considered getting off their arses" he went on "if this down time continues many of the members are gonna have to get a life" Phoenix the slippery one choked back tears and croaked "how can I attack the low carb high fat scum type two's if the forum is down"

News update coming soon.

Latest up date timed at 6pm.

The situation goes from bad to worse. Forum mod and three word game supremo, and ex Kenny boy HR and recruitment specialist Daisy, was whisked off to rehab late this afternoon suffering withdrawal symptoms. Anna the banner is bereft "how can I lock threads when I can't log in" Robin red breast was beside himself "people rely on me to make themselves look bright by comparison, what are they going to do" he spluttered. The PM has ordered a meeting of COBRA at 7pm to discuss the crisis. President Obama has been informed.

Next up date 7.15pm from the Rose and Crown.

Latest up date at 7.15pm.

At the very last minute the COBRA meeting was cancelled. A relieved looking David Cameron stood on the steps of Downing street and announced the crisis was over. During the day big pharma shares had plummeted due to Phoenix and her drugs shills not pushing the high carb propaganda. We must be thankful stated the PM "the misinformation can continue. I dread to think" he said "where the forum down time may have lead to, we need to kill off as many diabetics as possible diabetes.co.uk is doing a sterling job and must be applauded" Rumours are beginning to circulate that long time cyber warrior Monty Beantipper was behind the hijacking of the forum. May the bullshit re-commence.

The big question tonight, will Maybird leave or is the sock puppet pulling our chains ? Time will tell, it always does.

Up date at 10pm.

A temporary glitch sent the forum down again. Jeez the forum is going down more times than a Piccadilly whore. Maybe the members need to have a whip round. The forum owners don't want to invest in more server space, times are harder than we thought.

Up date at 11pm.

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The Sun